I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
