Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
