just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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