I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize