I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize