dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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