Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
