I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize