Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
