I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just had sex bonerless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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