I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
