I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
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I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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