She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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