Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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