direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
