Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize