That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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