You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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