i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
