very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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