So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
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note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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