69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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