I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
