Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
