Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
