I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
