The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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