After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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