I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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