I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish there were birth control emojis
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
