I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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