I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize