Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
