i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
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Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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