No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
