woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
