a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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