good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
