it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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