So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
