I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
