Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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