I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.