ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
