I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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