do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
