Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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