his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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