I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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