I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
